I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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