Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
