If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
