she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
