plz talk dirty to me
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
