I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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