Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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