you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize