Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
