i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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