Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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