thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
