I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
