hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
