He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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