everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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