I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
