I can tuck mytits in my pants
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
