Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
