i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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