paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
