Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
