I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
