my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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