The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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