I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
