sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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