I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
