Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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