I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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