shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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