Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize