sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
