I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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