With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
