mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
it hurts more in the daytime
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
