i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
