So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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