I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
