I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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