He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
