Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
