I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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