Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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