I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
MIDGETS
????
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
