He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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