So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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