You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
