ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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