i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
