the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize