I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
