I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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