O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
