and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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