but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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