i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
