Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
