I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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