seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
