I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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