We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
