I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
