ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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