Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize