I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
