I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
