hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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