he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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