Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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