I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You pole danced in your parka.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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