you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
