Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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